A Familiar Place
by StellaDallas
Summary: Olivia's arrest in Perverted brings back memories from a recent Undercover assignment. Contains spoilers for Perverted and Undercover.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC. Contains spoilers for Perverted and Uncover. Beginning dialogue taken from the show but I changed a few things around._

As Olivia was being escorted by Sargent Tucker down the stairs she felt the temperature in the room rise about a hundred degrees. She stared hard at the floor in front of her to try to stop the room from spinning and concentrated on taking deep breaths. She was well aware of the squad room of co-workers who were gawking at her and she refused to let them see her have a panic attack.

"Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law." the Sargent continued.

"Tucker, ever hear of professional courtesy?" Cragen barked. "You could've picked up a phone. Arranged a surrender."

The Sargent half dragged Olivia past the captain and continued reading her rights.

Suddenly Fin appeared on her right. "Don't say anything to the rat squad, Liv." he said. "I'm calling the DA's office for a lawyer."

Olivia could hear five different voices shouting things at the same time but couldn't make out what any one person was saying.

Then Sargent Tucker stopped suddenly and jerked Olivia's arm. "Do you understand these rights?" he demanded.

Olivia managed a nod and Tucker pulled her along.

"You're taking her to central booking?!" Olivia heard Munch exclaim.

"You know the drill." Tucker said dryly.

* * *

The ride to central booking was a blur. Olivia was vaguely aware of being escorted from the car by Tucker and a uniformed officer.

As they approached the building, Liv found her voice. "Wait! Just wait." she said shakily. "I've been locked up twice undercover. This..This isn't right."

Tucker pushed on but Olivia stopped to face him. "I didn't do this." she said panicked. "Just talk to me. Please."

Tucker stopped and faced Olivia. "Are you waiving your rights?" he asked.

Taking a few seconds to catch her breath, Olivia looked around. "Is there an interview room open?" she asked.

* * *

Sargent Tucker rolled up his sleeves as the uniformed agent handcuffed one of Olivia's hands to her chair.

"Now where were we?" the Sargent asked.

Olivia looked up and met Tucker's eye. "You were trying to put me in an alley where I wasn't" she said matter-of-factly.

"Okay." the Sargent said casually.

Tucker took a seat across from Olivia.

"Why did you see a psychiatrist last year?" Tucker asked in an innocent voice.

Olivia's head snapped up. "Excuse me?"

Tucker smiled slyly seeing that he had gotten Olivia's attention. "Rumor has it, it was for post traumatic stress." he continued.

"Wow," Olivia said feigning shock. "Munch was right... Big brother really is watching..."

Tucker's voice softens almost sincerely. "Hey you didn't get shot in the line of duty or anything..."

Olivia straightened her back in the chair. "I got help for an issue that I was having." she stated.

Olivia paused. "...I didn't see a company shrink. Where did you get this information?"

"You deal with an awful lot of rapists on this job..." Tucker said ignoring her question. "Did one of them attack you? Overpower you?" he said a little too aggressively.

Olivia reflexively stiffened and took a quick breath. "That has nothing to do with this case." she countered.

"It does if you had a flashback." Tucker said quickly. "People with PTSD get them all the time."

Tucker leaned in. "Is that what happened to you? Clyde attacked you in an alley and it triggered a flashback?"

Olivia's shook her head and cleared her throat. "No, you're wrong." she whispered.

"You were right back in that position of complete helplessness" Tucker pressed. "He had his hands all over you. He was taking your clothes off. He was going to violate you again and you couldn't let it happen."

Olivia started visibly shaking despite her best efforts. "I never let that happen." she said raspily. "Now stop playing games and tell me what you think you have on me."

Seeing that the moment had passed, Tucker leaned back in his chair. "Your DNA was a positive match to the DNA on the knife." he gloated.

Liv stared at him and then grabbed at her shirt with her free hand. "There are no cuts on me." she said loudly. "Where did the blood come from?!"

Tucker pushed his chair back and put on his jacket.

"They'll document all your wounds during your strip search at intake." he said before nodding to the uniformed officer and leaving the room.

* * *

"Goddammit" Alex cursed as her uneaten pretzel slipped from her hand and bounced off the sidewalk outside the police station. Alex groaned and shifted her stack of papers and travel mug to one arm so she could awkwardly bend down to pick up the pretzel. Her stomach growled in hunger as she chucked the pretzel into the trash can. She was mentally cursing the lieutenant whose testimony review had caused her to miss lunch when her cell phone rang. Groaning again she balanced her papers in the other arm and fished her phone out of her bag.

"Cabot." she barked on the third ring.

Alex had to pull the phone away from her ear as noise and shouting filled the line.

"Fin?" Alex asked after a moment. "Is that you?"

"You know the shit show those DEA lawyers run, Cabot." Fin shouted over the noise. "Our girl needs better than that".

"Fin?" Alex tried again "Wait. Start over. I missed the beginning. I can barely hear you. Where are you?"

Alex tried to turn up the volume on her phone but could only make out "Benson" and "Better get over here". Then the phone went dead.

"Ugh!" Alex sighed and turned on her heel to head back into the station. By the time she got inside the commotion seemed to have died down. Elliot was leaning up against Fin's desk rubbing his brow. Alex noticed Fin gave him a pat on the back before sitting down.

"Fin... what on earth is going on here?" Alex called as she walked up to the detectives. "This had better be good if this station is going to keep me from dinner too".

Elliot looked up, startled for second.

Fin ignored the bite to Alex's remark. "It's Liv, Alex" Fin started. "Rat squad just took her away."

Alex shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

Elliot looked up. "They arrested her. For the biker killing. ...I'm not sure how but... all the evidence points to her".

Elliot rubbed his hands over his head. "They've got her DNA, Alex."

Alex stood there for a moment in shock.

"We've gotta get her a lawyer." Elliot sighed. "They're going to arraign her first thing tomorrow"

"She's not going to make it until tomorrow" Fin interrupted.

Fin looked past Elliot's questioning gaze. "You've gotta get her out of there, Alex"

"What?.." Alex started "Fin, Liv's my friend too and I don't like the idea of her spending a night in lock up anymore than you do but there's not much we can do about it at 7:00 on a Tuesday night..."

Fin stepped forward and looked Alex in the eye. "Alex, trust me" Fin said emphatically. "She can't stay there".

Alex and Elliot both looked at Fin questioningly.

"What are you trying to say, Fin..." Elliot asked.

Alex sighed and looked at her watch. "Look, I'll try to rush over there now. If I get there soon I might be able to see her for a few minutes."

Fin started to speak but Alex interrupted "No promises, Fin. If she's been arrested for murder there isn't a whole hell of a lot I can do..."

* * *

Olivia shakily drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her free arm around her leg. Her other arm was now chained to a pipe above her head as she sat on the bench in a hallway outside the main cell. They kept her outside of the main cell block because she was a cop. Even the rat squad wasn't evil enough to throw a cop into a cell of alleged criminals she had helped to arrest.

Still... now.... alone in that hallway... restrained...

She could hear the shouting of detainees but more prevalent was the shouting of officers... barking orders over the banging of something indiscernible against the metal cells.

Each sound made her jump and try to retract further in on herself.

Her arm chained above her head made her feel exposed. She pulled against the handcuffs as more of a panicked reaction than an attempt to break free.

The steel cutting into her wrist made her breath catch in her throat. Even as her eyes welled with tears she fought to swallow the rising panic. She closed her eyes briefly only to jump a second later when she heard an officer down the hall growl "Shut up and do as your told!".

* * *

"I said, excuse me!" Alex shouted as she rapped on the finger smudged glass.

Slowly the duty officer turned around with a thoroughly disgusted look on his face. "Look lady, you wanna post bail for your crackwhore sister or your deadbeat father, bondsman's office is across the street. They open at 5:00."

Alex looked sharply at the officer and pulled a crisp business card from her purse. "Alexandra Cabot. DA's office." Alex said succinctly. "I need to speak with a detective in your custody. Olivia Benson."

The officer glanced briefly at the card before tossing it back to her. "Listen, I don't care if you're the fucking mayor of New York. No visitors."

Alex reached into her bag and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

"I have a signed court order from a district judge granting me access to the accused as part of an ongoing criminal proceeding." Alex stated.

Alex had visited three other judges on her way to central booking before she found one that would agree to sign a court order for a scenario that Alex had loosely based on a true case.

Alex pressed the documents into the officer's hand.

"Open the door" she demanded.

The officer snarled and walked out haughtily from behind his desk to escort Alex to the cell block.

From a distance Alex could see a figure curled up against the metal wall.

"She's being kept separate from the rest of the detainees." the officer said apathetically.

Alex gasped as she drew closer and saw Olivia trembling.

"Uncuff her" Alex snapped.

"I can't" the officer replied "it's against-"

"I said uncuff her" Alex demanded.

Either Alex's tone told the officer she meant business or he just didn't care because he pulled his keys from his pocket and moved to unlock Olivia.

Alex wasn't sure Olivia had even registered anyone presence but as the officer moved toward her Alex could see her visibly cringe and start shaking her head.

"No, please" Alex thought she heard Olivia plead.

Alex took a step closer.

"Olivia?... It's Alex..." Alex said hesitantly.

As the officer reached up to uncuff Olivia from the pipe, the buttons on his jacket grazed her face.

Instinctively, Olivia pulled her hand free and shoved the officer away from her. Before Alex had a chance to react, the officer forced Olivia up against a wall and pinned her arms behind her back. Tears were now visibly streaming down Olivia's face as she tried to break free.

"Please don't hurt me... please don't hurt me..." Olivia repeated.

"Stop!" Alex yelled. Without thinking she ran up and grabbed the officer's arm in an attempt to pull him off. "You're hurting her! Back off!"

The officer shrugged Alex away.

"Let her go now or I'll have you charged with brutality" Alex demanded.

The officer hesitated but ultimately released his grip.

Olivia immediately darted to the far corner of the room.

"Call an ambulance." Alex called behind her as she ran a few steps toward Olivia.

"Olivia?..." Alex said as she got closer.

When she was only a couple feet away she knelt down ignoring the fact that she was kneeling on the floor of a jail in a $5000 suit.

"Liv?..." she tried again. "Can you hear me sweetie?"

Alex noticed Olivia's shaking turn to trembling but she could tell that she recognized her voice.

Alex reached out and put her hand on Olivia's arm. "Liv, it's Alex..." Alex said softly. "Are you with me?"

Olivia slowly raised her head but didn't respond. Alex quietly slipped off her jacket and moved in closer to Olivia as she draped the jacket over her shoulders. Olivia slowly sunk into Alex's embrace and silently clung to the attorney until the ambulance arrived. Alex didn't dare try to ask Olivia just then what happened but as they waited for the ambulance her mind was spinning as she started to put the pieces together.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alexandra Cabot?" a nurse called out into the waiting room.

Alex's fumbled with her purse and jacket and hurried over to the nurse.

"I'm Alex Cabot" Alex said as she approached the nurse. "How is she?"

"She's been asking for you" the nurse replied. "Follow me".

The nurse led Alex across the ER and pulled back one of the curtains slightly.

On the other side of the curtain, Olivia laying back in a bed with an oxygen tube running under her nose.

Alex nodded to the nurse and moved closer to the bed.

"Hey" Alex said softly.

Olivia lifted her head slightly and nodded but avoided making eye contact.

Alex sat on the edge of the bed and rested her hand on Olivia's leg.

"How are you feeling?" Alex asked gently.

Olivia absently tucked her hair behind her ear and cleared her throat.

"Uh... a-hem.. fine" Olivia stuttered still avoiding eye contact. "I'm fine."

Alex tilted her head to the side to look into Olivia's eyes.

"I'm glad you're feeling better..." Alex said as she rubbed Olivia's leg.

"You wanna tell me what happened back there?" Alex asked carefully.

Olivia opened her mouth to respond but then closed it again.

Alex squeezed her leg. "Don't even think about telling me it was nothing..." Alex warned gently. "I was there."

Olivia slowly looked up. When her eyes met Alex and she started to respond but suddenly a sob escaped her lips. As Olivia quickly looked away, Alex inched forward and put her arms around her friend.

"Hey... hey..." Alex whispered "shhh... I got you..."

Olivia buried her head in Alex shoulder as Alex rubbed small ciricles on her back.

"I'm right here..." Alex whispered. "I'm no going anywhere..."

Olivia's sobbing began to quiet down and Alex continued to rock Olivia in her arms for a few moments before continuing.

"Honey, you know you can tell me anything right?" Alex said softly.

Olivia started to pull away a little so Alex pulled her back in and rested her chin on Olivia's shoulder.

"I'm here for you Liv" Alex whispered.

"Alex, I'm scared". Olivia whispered the words so quietly that Alex could barely hear them even though her head was rest up against Olivia's.

Alex rubbed the back of Olivia's head. "I know you are sweetheart" Alex said softly. "Can you tell me why?"

"I can't... I can't go back Alex" Olivia stuttered.

Olivia started softly crying again.

"I can't go back" she repeated.

"Tonight, you don't have to" Alex said.

Surprised, Olivia pulled back and looked at Alex questioningly.

Alex grabbed both of Olivia's hands in her lap.

"I called the chief of emergency medicine" Alex stated. "He's an old friend of the family. I convinced him to admit you for the night. You'll have to have a guard posted outside your door at all times but you can spend the night here."

Olivia looked at her in amazement.

"And no cuffs" Alex added. "I couldn't do anything about the guard but no cuffs."

Olivia shook her head. "Thank you" she said hoarsely.

Alex just smiled in response and squeezed Olivia's hands.

"They should be coming by in a second to take you upstairs." Alex said.

Alex paused and caught Olivia's eye before continuing. "You are going to have to talk to me, you know" she said. Her voice soft again.

Olivia looked down but Alex caught her slight nod.


	3. Chapter 3

Now that Olivia was settled into a private room upstairs, Alex knew she had prolonged the conversation long enough. Ever since she saw Olivia chained to that cellblock she had been kicking herself for being so oblivious and for not having approached the subject sooner. She knew that Olivia hadn't been completed honest with her about her stay at Sealview but Alex had backed down after Olivia's repeated declarations that nothing had happened. Now Alex's mind was racing.

Alex took a deep breath and purposely stood up from her chair. She walked over to Olivia's bed and nudged Olivia to move over so she could climb in next to her. Lying on her side facing Olivia she folded her arm under her head and looked expectantly at the detective.

Olivia looked down and focused on picking at the blanket in front of her.

"I'd been locked up before, you know" she started slowly. "This was different... I... I thought I knew what to expect. I thought I was prepared..."

Olivia shook her head slowly and then turned her head toward Alex but still without making eye contact.

"Huang prepped me." Olivia continued firmly. "I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew it wasn't going to be easy..."

Not wanting to interrupt, Alex squeezed Olivia's hand to let her know she believed her.

Olivia took a deep breath and looked away again.

"The intake was... awful..." Olivia said her voice dropping to a whisper.

"Tell me." Alex said softly.

Olivia hesitated and then shook her head in response to Alex's request.

Alex adjusted her position and drapped her arm around Olivia's shoulders pulling her in close.

"Tell me." She repeated gently. "You've been carrying this around by yourself for too long, Liv. It's just you and me. I won't repeat what you tell me to anyone but, honey, you've gotta talk about this. It's eating you up inside. ...Tell me."

Olivia drew a shaking breath and struggled to find words.

"It... uh... st-started off pretty standard." she began slowly. "...questions, fingerprinting...."

Olivia paused.

"You can tell me..." Alex encouraged softly.

"They had everyone line up against a wall..." Olivia continued. "...there were two male guards and one female guard..."

"The male guards s-searched the w-women..." Olivia stuttered. "I've searched suspects before... this was... this was..."

"...their-their hands were every-everywhere..." she said in a barely audible whisper.

Alex had to lean in and strain to hear.

"They made us turn around and watched... watched us take our clothes off..." she continued shakily. "They were snickering and laughing... then they... then they made us sh-shower."

Alex closed her eyes as her heart broke for the trembling woman in her arms.

"I st-stepped out... out of the sh-shower and tried... tried to cover myself-f as best I c-could." Olivia said distantly "...a guard... a guard came up behind... behind me... I could f-feel him b-behind me... he-he breathed in my ear... 'm-move along baby' and he.. and he... r-ran his... his hand... up... up the back of my th-thigh..."

Olivia's voice broke then and she began sobbing quietly.

"Oh sweetie..." Alex whispered.

"I got you... I'm right here..." Alex whispered as she moved Olivia's head onto her shoulder and began stroking her hair. "Shhh... you're safe now, sweetheart... I got you..." she repeated. "Just breathe... nice and easy..."

Alex swallowed the lump that was forming in her own throat and quickly wiped away a single tear on her cheek before Olivia could see it.

Alex kissed the top of Olivia's head before re-resting her head on top of Olivia's.

Alex closed her eyes, forced down the urge to stop the conversation right then. The guilt of putting Olivia through this much pain was killing her but the rational side of her knew that Olivia had kept this inside for too long and needed to be able to confide in someone.

Afraid to hear the answer, Alex spoke her next questions somewhat hesitantly. "Olivia?... What happened next?"

Olivia's chin trembled as she held back her sobs.

"It was pretty... pretty evident that the inmates were exchanging sexual favors with the guards for drugs, extra priviledges... pretty much anything" Olivia continued.

"I knew I had to get noticed so I started flirting with the guards..." Olivia's said her voice full of shame.

Alex squeezed her arm. "Hey, you were undercover... playing a character... you did what you had to do..." Alex said gently. "That doesn't mean anything, Liv..."

"For the first two days nothing really happened..." Olivia continued. "I got a lot of stares.... some...", Olivia swallowed hard, "some gr-groping disguised as inmate searches..."

Olivia stopped talking and Alex started rubbing circles on the back of Olivia's hand with her thumb. Alex knew that Olivia and Fin brought Harris into custody on the third day Olivia was undercover.

"What happened on the third day, Liv?..." Alex asked softly.


End file.
